Depressed
by gee.nine
Summary: It was never really often that mechanical beings could get terrified of nightmares."


Yeah, I was feeling kinda sad the day wrote this.... don't know why, maybe I have certain mood swings.

Disclaimer: for God's sakes it's not mine! Stop torturing me with facts!!! TT^TT

* * *

It was never really often that mechanical beings could get terrified of nightmares. Well, not nightmares, more like bad memories in your sleep. We don't have dreams, we just have a flashback of memories when we're deep in recharge. Ever since the war, no memories have become good, friends die too fast, situations changes from bad to worst, those who cannot protect themselves die, those who can struggles. A feeling of desperation to defend ourselves, a desperation to protect the innocents, and a desperation to save the ones we love. It's never easy to hold back emotions, even though it was practically shooting you to go out, it was useless to do so, so we hid it deep inside our spark, it'll eventually fade away anyways. Relationships such as a bond are never made here, afraid it could weaken each other and having the risk of loosing two lives at once, it was threatening to each individual and the rest.

But now, the war is over, we have some downward spirals on the way but at least we have some laughs, and look at us now, we won, peace has been restored, sure our planet is doomed without the Allspark but we have a new one, we're in a new organic alien planet. It's not perfect, and it'll need some time for us to get use to it, but it's a new home for us. And we'll do anything in our might to protect it... so why do I still have bad feelings every night? Well, yeah being back to life is hard to cope with, and these past couple of days have been hard and painful and kinda awkward in a really weird way to me but, this feeling... it's hard to interpret it, but I got this feeling that it's not over yet. Every night I have this, this warning, it won't stop bugging me for days. It said that another sacrifice has to be made for the war to end, that the pain and suffering will come once more, and that the only way to end it all was to give back a living soul to the dead. And that the person is me...

I gave a shiver as the memory of this night came. Today is worse than the others, I actually saw what yet is to come, the feeling of being vulnerable to help the others in pain is too much for me to hold, the next thing I knew was waking up. After my rude awakening I went for a drive and stopped at this open field, I walked to the edge of the cliff and sat at the border. I stayed here for... for Primus knows how long!... Speaking of time, I checked my chronometer, it's 4 a.m. I've been outside here for an hour or two. I've never really counted the time as it past, or even bother to see when I woke up. It was freezing outside, even for me. The Earth is such an interesting planet... having different seasons in different times. Some are pleasant and some are unpleasant. Now it's winter and it's below the normal freezing temperature today. Small icicle flakes called snow kept dropping and dropping until it partially buries me. It was just too cold, but the inside of me feels so empty, I felt like I don't care about it. The longer time I spent outside, the harsher the weather became. The flakes that gently floats down became harder and thicker.

As much as I wanted to stay here and be buried right then and there, I have to go back inside the base so everyone won't be so worried about me... and I forgot where the road is since the blanket of snow covers everything except for me and some couple of trees standing out (though we're buried in a few meters), the environment is so white I can't guess which way is which. The snowing didn't do so much help as it turns into a blizzard, I mentally curse them from the deepest regards in my spark. This is bad, very, very bad, I can't find anything with these white things blinding my vision all the time. My sensors are beginning to feel numb, my whole circuit is iced up, warnings flashing in red lights I don't bother much to read, and my sparks is feeling emptier than ever.

But despite these feelings... I don't feel afraid... I'm not panicking for any reason... I know, it's weird of me to be like this, but I just feel so... depressed right now. Funny, it's the first time I ever felt like this in a bad situation since... since I was born, I guess.

The warnings that flashes alerted me that I'm going to be in a stasis lock if I don't get out of this damned weather. Well fine, put me into stasis lock, hell, put me into stasis lock forever until someone actually can convince me to be alive! I don't know what I'm suppose to do now... it's not my intention to go back you know, and it's not my intention on staying. I tried to leave, but every time I attempted to do that, someone gets to stop me in a gentle or an unnerving way before I can get the chance. The verity that _he_ stopped me all the time agitates me, and the last time he stopped was a really embarrassing way.

I've never felt so angry with him. But it disgusts me with the fact that I don't feel so angry at him, I don't hate him so much as I should be, I don't feel so uncomfortable if I'm around him, and that I feel almost.... happy, that he...

N-no, it's absurd.  
_  
Warning! Stasis lock is initiated,_

But I guess...  
_  
Shutting all systems down in 10 seconds,_

no one is here, not even him...  
_  
10, 9, 8,_

can do anything to stop me...  
_  
7, 6, 5,_

Maybe now is my chance...  
_  
4, 3, 2,_

to go back and rest...

_1,_

forever...  
_  
Systems shutting down...._

No one will find me here... especially him.

I felt myself falling at my last thought. Suddenly I can't feel anything, the coldness, the depression, the thoughts I had earlier was gone, and all I can see before everything totally got black was someone looking at me with sad optics, I couldn't really identify who the mech was, considering that everything turned black and white. I stopped falling, I still can't feel anything but I don't know why, my spark felt warmth as someone was holding me close.

I guess I'm not gonna rest for as long as I thought I was going to. But the fact that someone found me... it brought a tingle to my spark before I completely went blank, and the pleasant feeling vanished.

_Is it him?_

Has he found me again?

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ahahahahaha..... what the hell am I laughing about...? oh well, I forgot, so drop it.

So, who do you think caught him? I don't know, it's up to you to imagine really. -_-

I don't know if I should make a sequel but I really need to work on my other story...

One more rant, I really need to stop saying "I don't know", it's really annoying, even for me.

Warning! brief editing for this story. Meh, I can't believe it turned a bit to the romantic fluffy genre thing. :


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